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Posts Tagged ‘Joke’

Upgrading to wife 1.0

Posted by koolpaw on October 12, 2013

  • Someone sent this to me as usual
  • Last year a friend of mine upgraded from Girlfriend 4.0 to Wife 1.0 and found that it’s a memory hog leaving few system resources for other applications. He is also now noticing the Wife 1.0 is also spawning Child-processes which are further consuming valuable resources. No mention of this particular phenomenon was included in the product documentation, though other users have informed me that this is to be expected due to the nature of the application. Not only that, Wife 1.0 installs itself so that it is always launched at system initialization where it can monitor all other system activity. Some applications such as Poker Night 10.3 , Bachelor Party 2.5, and Pub Night 7.0 are no longer able to run on the system at all, causing the system to lockup when launched (even though the apps worked fine before). Wife 1.0 provides no installation options. Thus, the installation of undesired plug-ins such as Mother-in-law 55.8 and the Brother-in-law Beta is unavoidable. Also, system performance seems to diminish with each passing day. Some features my friend would like to see in the upcoming Wife 2.0

    • A don’t remind me again button.
    • Minimize button.
    • Ability to delete the headache file
    • An install feature that provides an option to uninstall 2.0 versions without loss of other system resources.
    • An option to run the network driver in promiscuous mode allowing the system’s Hardware Probe feature to be much more useful/effective.
    I myself wish I had decided to avoid all of the headaches associated with Wife 1.0 by sticking with Girlfriend 3.0 Even here, however, I have found many problems. Apparently you cannot install Girlfriend 4.0 on top of girlfriend 3.0. You must uninstall Girlfriend 3.0 first otherwise the two versions of Girlfriend will have conflicts over shared use of the I/O port. Other users have told me that this is a long-standing problem that I should have been aware of. Guess that explains what happened to versions 1 and 2.

    To make matters worse, the uninstall program for Girlfriend 3.0 doesn’t work very well, leaving undesirable traces of the application in the system. Another identified problem is that all versions of Girlfriend have annoying little messages about the advantages of upgrading to Wife 1.0!

    Virus Alert

    All users should be aware that Wife 1.0 has an undocumented bug. If you try to install Mistress 1.1 before uninstalling Wife 1.0, Wife 1.0 will delete MS Money files before doing the uninstall itself. Once that happens, Mistress 1.1 won’t install and you will get an insufficient resources error message. To avoid the aforementioned bug, try installing Mistress 1.1 on a different system and never run any file transfer applications (such as Laplink) between the two systems.

    FYI Don’t even think about a shared directory!!!

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    Posted in MMA | Tagged: | Leave a Comment »

    A Tragic Battle

    Posted by koolpaw on April 5, 2009

    A Tragic Battle by Kenichi Nagira

    A Tragic Battle

    by Kenichi Nagira(1973)

    This legendary Folk song of 70s got
    banned from all TV, Radio in Japan like
    “Imagine” by John Lennon, “What’s
    Going On” by Marvin Gaye got treated.

    lyrics:

    I had never ever seen such a tragic view before,
    It happened at “Kokugikan”, the National Sumo Hall
    almost 10 years ago from now.

    “The Giant” Raiden and
    “The Chef from the Hell” Waka Chichibu,

    Fighting in the Ring of Honor “Dohyo”,
    the action was back and forth, Toe to Toe,
    complete even until “that moment”…
    Sweat had driped from both foreheads, and
    made the belts wet.

    No one had any ideas this wet belt
    would make “it” at this time. No one had
    imagined the wet belt would be the
    cause of scary and tragic battle…. yet.

    You must know the Gravity is totally
    something fearful, everything
    that is floating drops on the Ground.

    As an inevitable result, the belt of
    Waka chichibu also…

    Dropped.

    However, You know it was aired on National
    TV “NHK”, They tried to turn off the camera.
    The only unfortunate thing was that
    the camera man was a part-timer,
    He had focused on “it” instead of turning off
    the cam…

    Make it worse, the announcer of the radio
    was too highly skilled, He shouted to
    the listners to turn on the TV
    to watch what is going on themselves.
    So everybody…

    watched “it”.

    However, You know it was at Kokugikan the
    National Sport of Japan “Sumo” Hall,
    They tried to turn off the light.
    The only unfortunate thing was
    that a part-time worker was
    working on that day. He lighted up with
    the spotlight instead of turning off
    the light…

    Thirty thousands fans of Sumo all
    over Japan accidentaly found the
    fact that:

    “Huge guys have tiny  **** “

    It`s a sad FACT, All Japanese had
    leaned it at this time.

    However, the Referee was that great
    Shozaburo Kimura. He tried to cover
    “it” with that some kind of fan
    he always has in his hand. The only
    unfortunate thing was, Shozaburo was
    also upset during the accident. He Slapped
    “it” hard instead of covering with
    “Gunbai”…

    However there was a Young Sumo “Asashio”
    who is very smart,talented and considerate.
    He had showed up with a blanket immediately.
    The only unfortunate thing was, He was
    still young and not ready for sudden
    accident like that at this time.

    Asashio rushed to the ring straight. Rushed
    too much and got tripped on the Dohyo ring,
    then fell down Unfortunately.

    You also must know that the Inertia is completly
    something awful, Nothing could stop his
    Big sumo body.

    Panicked Asashio could think only one
    thing at the moment.

    Only one thing came to his mind.


    Is there anything to support my body?
    Is there anything to grasp ???

    He gazed around to find something
    to grasp momentary. Then he found…

    “IT”…

    Oh lord, I have never seen such a
    tragic battle in my life…

    raiden

    We LOVE Sumo Wrestling !!

    *Translation by paw, Fixed EngRish to English by Ckint

    Posted in MUSIC | Tagged: , , | Leave a Comment »

    HOW-TO KIT FOR WRITING THE BLUES

    Posted by koolpaw on December 30, 2008

    robertjohnson

    1. Most Blues begin, “Woke up this morning.”

    2. “I got a good woman,” is a bad way to begin the Blues, ‘less you stick something nasty in the next line, like “I got a good woman with the meanest face in town.”

    3. The Blues is simple. After you get the first line right, repeat it.Then find something that rhymes …sort of: “Got a good woman…with the meanest face in town. Got teeth like Margaret Thatcher and she weigh 500 pound.”

    4. The Blues are not about choice. You stuck in a ditch: you stuck in a ditch, ain’t no way out.

    5. Blues cars: Chevys and Cadillacs and broken down trucks. Blues don’t travel in Volvos, BMWs, or Sport Utility Vehicles. Most Blues transportation is a Greyhound bus or a southbound train. Jet aircraft and state-sponsored motor pools ain’t even in the running. Walkin’ plays a major part in the blues lifestyle. So does fixin’ to die.

    6. Teenagers can’t sing the Blues. They ain’t fixin’ to die yet. Adults sing the Blues. In Blues, “adulthood” means being old enough to get the electric chair if you shot a man in Memphis.

    7. Blues can take place in New York City, but not in Hawaii or anyplace in Canada. Hard times in St. Paul or Tucson is just depression. Chicago, St Louis, and Kansas City are still the best places to have the Blues. You cannot have the blues in any place that don’t get rain.

    8. A man with male pattern baldness ain’t the blues. A woman with male pattern baldness is. Breaking your leg cuz you skiing isn’t the blues..Breaking your leg cuz a’alligator be chompin’ on it is.

    9. You can’t have no Blues in an office or a shopping mall. The lighting is wrong. Go outside to the parking lot or sit by the dumpster.

    10. Good places for the Blues:

    a. highway
    b. jailhouse
    c. empty bed
    d. bottom of a whiskey glass

    Bad places for the Blues:

    a. ashrams
    b. gallery openings
    c. Ivy League institutions
    d. golf courses

    11. No one will believe it’s the Blues if you wear a suit, ‘less you happen to be a’ old black man, and you slept in it.

    12. Do you have the right to sing the Blues?

    Yes, if:

    a. you’re older than dirt
    b. you’re blind
    c. you shot a man in Memphis
    d. you can’t be satisfied.

    No, if:

    a. you have all your teeth
    b. you were once blind but now can see
    c. the man in Memphis lived.
    d. you have a retirement plan or trust fund.

    13. Blues is not a matter of color. It’s a matter of bad luck. Tiger Woods cannot sing the blues. Gary Coleman could. Ugly white people also got a leg up on the blues.

    14. If you ask for water and Baby give you gasoline, it’s the Blues.
    Other acceptable Blues beverages are:

    a. wine
    b. whiskey or bourbon
    c. muddy water
    d. black coffee.

    The following are NOT Blues beverages:

    a. mixed drinks
    b. kosher wine
    c. Snapple
    d. sparkling water
    e. double, decaf, lowfat latte

    15. If it occurs in a cheap motel or a shotgun shack, it’s a Blues death. Stabbed in the back by a jealous lover is another Blues way to die. So is the electric chair, substance abuse, and dying lonely on a broken down cot.You can’t have a Blues death if you die during a tennis match or getting liposuction.

    16. Some Blues names for women:

    a. Sadie
    b. Big Mama
    c. Bessie
    d. Fat River Dumpling

    17. Some Blues names for men:

    a. Joe
    b. Willi e
    c. Little Willie
    d. Big Willie

    18. Persons with names like Sierra, Sequoia, and Rainbow can’t sing the Blues no matter how many men they shoot in Memphis.

    19. Make yer own Blues name (starter kit):

    a. name of physical infirmity (Blind, Cripple, Lame, etc.)
    b. first name (see above) plus name of fruit (Lemon, Lime, Kiwi, etc)
    c. last name of U.S. President (Jefferson, Johnson, Fillmore, etc.)

    For example, Blind Lime Jefferson, or Cripple Kiwi Fillmore, etc.

    20. I don’t care how tragic your life is: you own a computer, you cannot sing the blues. You best destroy it — with fire, a spilled bottle of Mad Dog, or get out a shotgun. Maybe your big woman just done sat on it. I don’t care.

    (the Original is unknown, who cares?)

    Posted in MUSIC | Tagged: , | Leave a Comment »